This reference guide accompanies the Relationship Growth Assessment. It offers a plain-language overview of two frameworks from schema therapy that often shape how we relate to ourselves and others: the 18 Early Maladaptive Schemas and the 14 Schema Modes.
These are for education and self-reflection only. They are not a diagnosis, and no single schema or mode defines a person. If any of this resonates, consider exploring it with your therapist.
18 Early Maladaptive Schemas
Early maladaptive schemas are self-defeating emotional and cognitive patterns that begin early in our development and repeat throughout life. They are organized into five broad domains.
Disconnection and Rejection
Expectation that needs for security, safety, stability, nurturance, empathy, sharing of feelings, acceptance, and respect will not be met
Abandonment/Instability
The perceived instability or unreliability of those available for support and connection. Involves the belief that significant others will be unable to continue providing emotional support because they are unstable, unpredictable, unreliable, or will abandon you in favor of someone better.
Mistrust/Abuse
The expectation that others will hurt, abuse, humiliate, cheat, lie, manipulate, or take advantage. Usually involves the perception that harm is intentional or the result of unjustified and extreme negligence.
Emotional Deprivation
The expectation that one's desire for a normal degree of emotional support will not be adequately met by others. Includes deprivation of nurturance, empathy, and protection or guidance.
Defectiveness/Shame
The feeling that one is defective, bad, unwanted, inferior, or invalid in important respects, and would be unlovable to significant others if exposed. May involve hypersensitivity to criticism, blame, and comparison.
Social Isolation/Alienation
The feeling that one is isolated from the rest of the world, different from other people, and/or not part of any group or community.
Impaired Autonomy and Performance
Expectations about oneself and the environment that interfere with one's perceived ability to separate, survive, function independently, or perform successfully
Dependence/Incompetence
The belief that one is unable to handle everyday responsibilities in a competent manner without considerable help from others (e.g., caring for oneself, solving daily problems, exercising good judgment, or making decisions).
Vulnerability to Harm or Illness
Exaggerated fear that imminent catastrophe will strike at any time and that one will be unable to prevent it, whether medical, emotional, or external in nature.
Enmeshment/Undeveloped Self
Excessive emotional involvement and closeness with one or more significant others at the expense of full individuation or normal social development. Often involves the belief that one cannot survive or be happy without the constant support of the other.
Failure
The belief that one has failed, will inevitably fail, or is fundamentally inadequate relative to peers in areas of achievement. Often involves beliefs that one is stupid, inept, or untalented.
Impaired Limits
Deficiency in internal limits, responsibility to others, or long-term goal orientation
Entitlement/Grandiosity
The belief that one is superior to others, entitled to special rights and privileges, or not bound by the rules of reciprocity that guide normal social interaction.
Insufficient Self-Control/Self-Discipline
Pervasive difficulty or refusal to exercise sufficient self-control and frustration tolerance to achieve one's goals, or to restrain the excessive expression of emotions and impulses.
Other-Directedness
Excessive focus on the desires, feelings, and responses of others at the expense of one's own needs
Subjugation
Excessive surrendering of control to others because one feels coerced, usually to avoid anger, retaliation, or abandonment. Involves the suppression of one's own needs and/or emotions.
Self-Sacrifice
Excessive focus on voluntarily meeting the needs of others in daily situations at the expense of one's own gratification, often to avoid guilt, maintain connection, or prevent causing pain to others.
Approval-Seeking/Recognition-Seeking
Excessive emphasis on gaining approval, recognition, or attention from other people at the expense of developing a secure and true sense of self.
Overvigilance and Inhibition
Excessive emphasis on suppressing one's spontaneous feelings, impulses, and choices or on meeting rigid, internalized rules and expectations
Negativity/Pessimism
A pervasive, lifelong focus on the negative aspects of life while minimizing or neglecting the positive, along with exaggerated expectations that things will eventually go seriously wrong.
Emotional Inhibition
The excessive inhibition of spontaneous action, feeling, or communication, usually to avoid disapproval, feelings of shame, or losing control of one's impulses.
Unrelenting Standards/Hypercriticalness
The underlying belief that one must strive to meet very high internalized standards of behavior and performance, usually to avoid criticism. Typically results in feelings of pressure and difficulty slowing down, along with hypercriticalness toward oneself and others.
Punitiveness
The belief that people, including oneself, should be harshly punished for making mistakes. Involves a tendency to be angry, intolerant, punitive, and impatient with those who do not meet one's expectations.
14 Schema Modes
Schema modes are emotional states and coping responses that we all experience. They represent the moment-to-moment emotional states and coping responses.
Child Modes
Emotional states from childhood
Vulnerable Child
Feels like a lonely child that is valued only insofar as (s)he can aggrandize his/her parents. Because the most important emotional needs of the child have generally not been met, the patient usually feels empty, alone, socially unacceptable, undeserving of love, unloved and unlovable.
Angry child
Feels intensely angry, enraged, infuriated, frustrated or impatient, because the core emotional (or physical) needs of the vulnerable child are not being met. They vent their suppressed anger in inappropriate ways. May make demands that seem entitled or spoiled and that alienate others.
Enraged Child
Experiences intense feelings of anger that results in hurting or damaging people or objects. The displayed anger is out of control, and has the goal of destroying the aggressor, sometimes literally. Has the affect of an enraged or uncontrollable child, screaming or acting out impulsively to an (alleged) perpetrator.
Impulsive Child
Acts on non-core desires or impulses from moment to moment in a selfish or uncontrolled manner to get his or her own way, without regard to possible consequences for the self or others. Often has difficulty delaying short-time gratification and may appear 'spoiled'.
Undisciplined Child
Cannot force him/herself to finish routine or boring tasks, gets quickly frustrated and gives up soon.
Happy Child
Feels at peace because core emotional needs are currently met. Feels loved, contented, connected, satisfied, fulfilled, protected, praised, worthwhile, nurtured, guided, understood, validated, self-confident, competent, appropriately autonomous or self-reliant, safe, resilient, strong, in control, adaptable, optimistic and spontaneous.
Maladaptive Coping Modes
Dysfunctional coping responses
Compliant Surrender
Acts in a passive, subservient, submissive, reassurance-seeking, or self-deprecating way towards others out of fear of conflict or rejection. Passively allows him/herself to be mistreated, or does not take steps to get healthy needs met. Selects people or engages in other behaviour that directly maintains the self-defeating schema-driven pattern.
Detached Protector
Withdraws psychologically from the pain of the schemas by emotionally detaching. The patient shuts off all emotions, disconnects from others and rejects their help, and functions in an almost robotic manner. Signs and symptoms include depersonalisation, emptiness, boredom, substance abuse, bingeing, self-mutilation, psychosomatic complaints and 'blankness'.
Detached Self-Soother
Shut off their emotions by engaging in activities that will somehow soothe, stimulate or distract them from feeling. These behaviours are usually undertaken in an addictive or compulsive way, and can include workaholism, gambling, dangerous sports, promiscuous sex, or drugs abuse. Another group of patients compulsively engages in solitary interests that are more self-soothing than self-stimulating, such as playing computer games, overeating, watching television, or fantasizing.
Self-Aggrandiser
Behaves in an entitled, competitive, grandiose, abusive, or status-seeking way in order to have whatever they want. They are almost completely self-absorbed, and show little empathy for the needs or feelings of others. They demonstrate superiority and expect to be treated as special and do not believe they should have to follow the rules that apply to everyone else. They crave for admiration and frequently brag or behave in a self-aggrandizing manner to inflate their sense of self.
Bully and Attack
Directly harms other people in a controlled and strategic way emotionally, physically, sexually, verbally, or through antisocial or criminal acts. The motivation may be to overcompensate for or prevent abuse or humiliation. Has sadistic properties.
Maladaptive Parent Modes
Internalized critical or demanding parent voices
Punitive Parent
This is the internalized voice of the parent, criticizing and punishing the patient. They become angry with themselves and feel that they deserve punishment for having or showing normal needs that their parents did not allow them to express. The tone of this mode is harsh, critical, and unforgiving. Signs and symptoms include self-loathing, self-criticism, self-denial, self-mutilation, suicidal fantasies, and self-destructive behaviour.
Demanding Parent
Continually pushes and pressures the child to meet excessively high standards. Feels that the 'right' way to be is to be perfect or achieve at a very high level, to keep everything in order, to strive for high status, to be humble, to put other needs before one's own or to be efficient or avoid wasting time. The person feels that it is wrong to express feelings or to act spontaneously.
Healthy Adult Mode
Functional, balanced state
Healthy Adult
This mode performs appropriate adult functions such as working, parenting, taking responsibility, and committing. Pursues pleasurable adult activities such as sex; intellectual, esthetical, and cultural interests, health maintenance, and athletic activities.