Gottman Shared Meanings Questionnaire

Question 1 of 119

How would you rate emotional connection in your relationship? (Staying emotionally connected vs. Becoming emotionally distant)

Yes No

Question 2 of 119

Just simply talking to each other

Yes No

Question 3 of 119

Staying emotionally in touch with each other

Yes No

Question 4 of 119

Feeling taken for granted

Yes No

Question 5 of 119

Don't feel my spouse knows me very well right now

Yes No

Question 6 of 119

Spouse is (or I am) emotionally disengaged

Yes No

Question 7 of 119

Spending time together

Yes No

Question 8 of 119

How would you rate handling job and other stresses? (Managing external stresses together vs. Stress overwhelming relationship)

Yes No

Question 9 of 119

Helping each other reduce daily stresses

Yes No

Question 10 of 119

Talking about these stresses together

Yes No

Question 11 of 119

Talking together about stress in a helpful manner

Yes No

Question 12 of 119

Spouse listening with understanding about my stresses

Yes No

Question 13 of 119

Spouse takes stresses out on me

Yes No

Question 14 of 119

Spouse takes stresses out on children or others

Yes No

Question 15 of 119

How would you rate handling issues or disagreements? (Resolving differences constructively vs. Stuck in gridlock)

Yes No

Question 16 of 119

Differences have arisen that feel very basic

Yes No

Question 17 of 119

These differences seem unresolvable

Yes No

Question 18 of 119

We are living day-to-day with hurts

Yes No

Question 19 of 119

Our positions are getting entrenched

Yes No

Question 20 of 119

It looks like I will never get what I hope for

Yes No

Question 21 of 119

I am worried these issues may damage our relationship

Yes No

Question 22 of 119

How would you rate romance and passion? (Maintaining romance vs. Romance fading)

Yes No

Question 23 of 119

Spouse has stopped being verbally affectionate

Yes No

Question 24 of 119

Spouse expresses love less frequently

Yes No

Question 25 of 119

We rarely touch each other

Yes No

Question 26 of 119

Spouse or I have stopped feeling romantic

Yes No

Question 27 of 119

We rarely cuddle

Yes No

Question 28 of 119

We have few tender or passionate moments

Yes No

Question 29 of 119

How would you rate your sex life? (Sexual intimacy satisfying vs. Sexual problems)

Yes No

Question 30 of 119

The frequency of sex

Yes No

Question 31 of 119

The satisfaction from sex

Yes No

Question 32 of 119

Being able to talk about sexual problems

Yes No

Question 33 of 119

Wanting different things sexually

Yes No

Question 34 of 119

Problems of desire

Yes No

Question 35 of 119

The amount of love in our lovemaking

Yes No

Question 36 of 119

How would you rate handling important life events? (Handling together vs. Creating distance)

Yes No

Question 37 of 119

Very different points of view on how to handle things

Yes No

Question 38 of 119

This event has led partner to be very distant

Yes No

Question 39 of 119

This event has made us both irritable

Yes No

Question 40 of 119

This event has led to a lot of fighting

Yes No

Question 41 of 119

I am worried about how this will turn out

Yes No

Question 42 of 119

We are now taking very different positions

Yes No

Question 43 of 119

How would you rate children-related issues? (United in parenting vs. Disagreeing about children)

Yes No

Question 44 of 119

Different views on goals for children

Yes No

Question 45 of 119

Different positions on what to discipline for

Yes No

Question 46 of 119

Different positions on how to discipline

Yes No

Question 47 of 119

Issues about how to be close to children

Yes No

Question 48 of 119

Not talking about these issues well

Yes No

Question 49 of 119

A lot of tension or anger about these differences

Yes No

Question 50 of 119

How would you rate in-law and relative relationships? (Managing extended family vs. Family causing problems)

Yes No

Question 51 of 119

Feel unaccepted by partner's family

Yes No

Question 52 of 119

Sometimes wonder which family spouse is in

Yes No

Question 53 of 119

Feel unaccepted by own family

Yes No

Question 54 of 119

There is tension about what might happen

Yes No

Question 55 of 119

This issue has generated irritability

Yes No

Question 56 of 119

Worried about how this will turn out

Yes No

Question 57 of 119

How would you rate trust and jealousy? (Trust and security vs. Trust issues)

Yes No

Question 58 of 119

This area is a source of a lot of hurt

Yes No

Question 59 of 119

This creates insecurity

Yes No

Question 60 of 119

Can't deal with the lies

Yes No

Question 61 of 119

Hard to reestablish trust

Yes No

Question 62 of 119

There is a feeling of betrayal

Yes No

Question 63 of 119

Hard to know how to heal this

Yes No

Question 64 of 119

How would you rate conflict resolution? (Resolving effectively vs. Conflicts escalating)

Yes No

Question 65 of 119

There are more fights now

Yes No

Question 66 of 119

Fights seem to come out of nowhere

Yes No

Question 67 of 119

Anger and irritability have crept in

Yes No

Question 68 of 119

We get into muddles hurting each other

Yes No

Question 69 of 119

I don't feel respected lately

Yes No

Question 70 of 119

I feel criticized

Yes No

Question 71 of 119

How would you rate values and goals alignment? (Sharing values vs. Growing apart)

Yes No

Question 72 of 119

Differences in life goals

Yes No

Question 73 of 119

Differences about important beliefs

Yes No

Question 74 of 119

Differences on leisure time interests

Yes No

Question 75 of 119

Wanting different things out of life

Yes No

Question 76 of 119

Growing in different directions

Yes No

Question 77 of 119

I don't much like who I am with my partner

Yes No

Question 78 of 119

How would you rate serious issues? (Free from serious issues vs. Dealing with serious problems)

Yes No

Question 79 of 119

There has been physical violence

Yes No

Question 80 of 119

There is a problem with alcohol or drugs

Yes No

Question 81 of 119

This is turning into a marriage I hadn't bargained for

Yes No

Question 82 of 119

Our marriage contract is changing

Yes No

Question 83 of 119

I find some of what partner wants upsetting

Yes No

Question 84 of 119

I am feeling disappointed by this marriage

Yes No

Question 85 of 119

How would you rate working as a team? (Functioning as partners vs. Not working together)

Yes No

Question 86 of 119

We used to share more in the workload

Yes No

Question 87 of 119

Pulling in opposite directions

Yes No

Question 88 of 119

Spouse does not share in housework or childcare

Yes No

Question 89 of 119

Spouse not carrying weight financially

Yes No

Question 90 of 119

I feel alone managing this family

Yes No

Question 91 of 119

Spouse is not being very considerate

Yes No

Question 92 of 119

How would you rate power and influence? (Balanced vs. Power imbalance)

Yes No

Question 93 of 119

Don't feel influential in decisions

Yes No

Question 94 of 119

Spouse has become more domineering

Yes No

Question 95 of 119

I have become more demanding

Yes No

Question 96 of 119

Spouse has become passive

Yes No

Question 97 of 119

Spouse is spacey, not a strong force

Yes No

Question 98 of 119

Starting to care more about who is running things

Yes No

Question 99 of 119

How would you rate finances? (Managing money together vs. Financial disagreements)

Yes No

Question 100 of 119

Don't bring in enough money

Yes No

Question 101 of 119

Differences about how to spend money

Yes No

Question 102 of 119

Stressed about finances

Yes No

Question 103 of 119

Spouse financially more interested in self

Yes No

Question 104 of 119

Not united in managing finances

Yes No

Question 105 of 119

Not enough financial planning

Yes No

Question 106 of 119

How would you rate having fun together? (Enjoying time together vs. Not having fun)

Yes No

Question 107 of 119

Don't have much time for fun

Yes No

Question 108 of 119

Don't enjoy times together much

Yes No

Question 109 of 119

Too stressed for fun

Yes No

Question 110 of 119

Work takes up all our time

Yes No

Question 111 of 119

Interests so different no fun things to do together

Yes No

Question 112 of 119

Plan fun things but they never happen

Yes No

Question 113 of 119

How would you rate spiritual alignment? (Aligned vs. Spiritual differences)

Yes No

Question 114 of 119

Sharing the same beliefs

Yes No

Question 115 of 119

Agreeing about religious ideas and values

Yes No

Question 116 of 119

Issues about specific church/mosque/synagogue

Yes No

Question 117 of 119

Communicating well about spiritual things

Yes No

Question 118 of 119

Issues about spiritual growth and change

Yes No

Question 119 of 119

Issues about spiritual growth and change

Yes No

Choosing Memento Vivere

Thank you